I Don't Want the Easy Way, I Just Want You
by onlyfrackingsuperheroes
Summary: She couldn't help but feel envious of the woman, the one who was allowed to hold his hand in public, who would never be criticized for having his child, who could stare at him in front of however many people for as long as she wanted without a care in the world. The one who could share his last name and bed and life.
1. Chapter 1

Her eyes were on him as he climbed out of the limo, holding his hand out for his pregnant wife. Fitz was nothing if not chivalrous. She, along with everyone else waiting at the security checkpoint, kept her gaze on him as he walked away from the car and further into the party.

As she stood by Edison's side, her thoughts drifted to her current relationship status. Sure, she and Edison had been on a few dates after she'd called it quits with Fitz, but they weren't anything serious. She knew it from the beginning, and she was pretty certain Edison knew now too, but it was good for optics and comfortable enough for them both. She had tried at the beginning to really make it work with her former fiancé, but from the moment he'd kissed her on her doorstep after their second second date, she felt as though she was cheating on Fitz, as screwed up as it all was.

As the cameras began to flash brighter and closer to her ears on the other side of the checkpoint tape, her mind returned to the present. Fitz was hand-in-hand with Mellie, pregnant with America's baby, walking closer to the entrance of the gala thrown totally for him. She couldn't help but feel envious of the woman in blue, the one who was allowed to hold his hand in public, who would never be criticized for having his child, who could stare at him in front of however many people for as long as she wanted without a care in the world. The one who could share his last name and bed and life. The one who had everything Olivia had ever desired and took every last second of it for granted.

Olivia had never told him, never allowed herself to speak the words out loud, but she so desperately wanted to be the one to give him his next child. She'd never really considered herself as the "mom type" until she'd seen him interacting with Jerry and Karen on the campaign trail, behind the scenes when there were no cameras for photo ops. He listened to every detail of conversation his kids wanted to have that day, and they looked at him like he'd hung the moon. She wanted to be blessed enough to share that with him and a child with her hair and his eyes, the one that she'd seen in her dreams for years now.

She was brought back to her surroundings as a crack filled the air. Before she could understand what she'd heard, she saw Fitz stagger back, his hand wrenching from Mellie's. Her mind registered what was happening in horror as she heard another shot and saw Fitz stumble again. She was pushed to the ground by Edison and his Secret Service agent as she heard the final shot. Until then, she'd been horrified but hopeful, seeing as the bullets had only pierced his arm. But now, though she could barely make him out through the flurry of movement and legs of various Secret Service agents surrounding him and the First Lady, she saw a pool of red pouring from the curly hair she loved to card her fingers through. As she lost sight of him through the chaos, she vomited.


	2. Chapter 2

Four days later, the nightmare hadn't ended. Olivia had stepped into Britta's role, needing to feel as though she was helping Fitz by keeping the White House in some semblance of control. He still hadn't regained consciousness and Mellie had begun a reign of terror, forbidding her from visiting his hospital room. Cyrus had been keeping her updated on his condition, understanding but not necessarily condoning their relationship. Late at night, after Mellie and most of the press had gone home, Olivia would sneak in through a back entrance. It seems she had a fan that worked on Fitz's floor who was more than willing to let her into the hospital well after visiting hours. Tom knew enough about their relationship to turn a blind eye to her late-night visits, so she was able to spend most of her nights with him.

She would talk to him quietly for an hour or so, updating him on the happenings of the White House, and then she would place her hand in his, pull her chair closer to his bed, and allow herself to drift to sleep for a few hours with him. She kept an alarm on her phone to wake her right around the shift change in nurses so her ally wouldn't get into trouble. Before she would leave, she would grab Fitz's hand, squeeze it hard, and kiss his forehead, telling him that she would be back later that evening for just one more minute with him.

Olivia sank down into the chair by his bedside, bone-tired. It had been one hell of a week. Fitz's shooting, sneaking visits to see him at night, keeping Sally off the warpath and out of the Oval, working as the Press Secretary, learning that Huck was the suspected shooter and then learning that he had been framed, losing Huck to the Patriot Act, knowing that Huck was somewhere deep in the Pentagon being tortured for a confession that he wouldn't give. All of it was too much. She powered through each day just to get to see Fitz, hold his hand, and fall asleep in his presence. In that room, she was safe from the rest of the world. In that room, it wasn't the President and his fixer, it was just Fitz and Liv. There were no titles or expectations, just hope. She placed her hand in his, pulled her chair closer to his bed, and laid her head on their joined hands. Finally, she allowed herself to drift to sleep.

Pain. That was all he could register. Pain and the sound of her voice, her hand in his. He was vaguely aware of Olivia leaving the room, frantically calling for a doctor to join them in the room. He opened his eyes, immediately feeling intense pressure and pain radiating from his right temple. He groaned and she was at his side again, once again placing her hand in his. He ran his fingers over her ring, as he often did, but was surprised to find that it didn't reside on her finger where he'd placed it nearly 3 years ago. He croaked out her name, prompting her to raise a straw to his lips.

He listened as she explained to him where he was and what had happened. The doctor entered the room, interrupting her and asking questions obviously meant to check his cognitive functions. The only thing that he focused on, however, was the lack of jewelry adorning her ring finger. The moment the doctor left, he drew her closer to him and asked where the ring was. She pointed out that Doux Bebe had never moved.

"Liv, stop joking around. Where is your wedding band?" The look on her face changed from amusement to confusion. "And just who do you think is my husband?"

"You."

Olivia was speechless. She had expected some kind of repercussions; a man doesn't survive a shot to the head without some kind of negative effects. But this was not ever on her radar of possibilities. Had he completely made up his own reality? Or was he just confused because she was the one by his bedside when he woke? As she attempted to make sense of it all, she took a step back, but was pulled back to his side from his strong grip on her hand.

"Liv." His voice was hoarse, but she could hear his concern. He was worried by the apparent lack of ring on her hand. Suddenly, fear flashed across his face. "Were you hurt too? The baby? Is the baby okay?" _Baby? Did he think she was pregnant too?_

"Fitz, I think you're confused. Mellie is your wife. She was beside you when you got - when you went down - but she was fine. The doctor cleared her four days ago." His brow furrowed in confusion and then in pain. This was too much for him. "I think you should get some sleep. You've been through a lot, and I think things will be more clear after you rest."

"Olivia. This isn't funny. I divorced Mellie years ago. _You_ are my wife. _You_ are the First Lady. And soon, _you_ will be the mother of my child. Not her." His eyes shone with desperation, trying to get her to understand his reality. Olivia couldn't stop her tears from falling.


	3. Chapter 3

_"Olivia. This isn't funny. I divorced Mellie years ago. You are my wife. You are the First Lady. And soon, you will be the mother of my child. Not her." His eyes shone with desperation, trying to get her to understand his reality. Olivia couldn't stop her tears from falling._

As badly as Olivia wanted to stay with him, she had to leave. It was nearing sunrise and she knew Mellie would be back soon. Always one for keeping up appearances, Mellie had come to the hospital every day to sit by his bedside, but making no contact at all with her husband.

Olivia pulled her hand from his, wiping the tears rolling down her cheeks. She left without a word, not once looking back as he called her name.

Fitz watched her ignore his words as she walked away, leaving him with even more questions. A knock at the door caught his attention. It was Cyrus, peeking his head in the door in a manner that was so typically Cyrus. "Mr. President, it's good to see you awake. Mind if I come in?" Maybe talking to Cy would help clarify things. What the hell? Fitz waved his oldest friend into the room.

"How are you feeling, sir?" There it was - the first of many ridiculous questions that were sure to come.

"I got shot, Cyrus. How do you think I feel? And Olivia seems to think that I'm insane, and I think she might be right. Is she right, Cy? Am I still married to Mellie?" The tone of his voice threw Cyrus for a loop. He hadn't heard such disgust color the president's voice in a long time.

"Unless you filed for divorce without telling me, then Mellie is definitely still your wife. Why would you think otherwise?" The doctors had warned Cyrus and Mellie of possible effects of the brain damage, but something told him that whatever explanation was about to come from Fitz's mouth was not on that list.

"I don't understand. It was so realistic. I divorced Mellie while right after the election. She took the kids and went back to California. Liv and I - we've been married for almost two years. We got married in the Oval with you and Abby as our witnesses. Verna married us right there on the seal." His voice broke as he recalled his life with Olivia. "Liv told me that she was pregnant two days ago. I came into the residence after work and there was a onesie on the bed that said 'Baby Grant, 2013' with a sonogram underneath. She said it was my early birthday present."

Olivia went straight to OPA and opened a bottle of wine. It didn't really matter that it was just after dawn, right? She decided to forgo the glass, instead grabbing the bottle and headed for the stairs. She climbed until she reached the roof, unlocking the door with the least used key on her ring. She rarely came up to the roof, never really one for the copious amounts of bird feces that covered seemingly every surface. She set the bottle on a relatively clean portion of the ledge and then opened the lawn chair that permanently resided in the quiet space. The last time she'd come up here was right after her introduction to Amanda Tanner, desperately needing to sit in the sunlight and contemplate the idea of a universe outside of DC.

She sat down in the lonely chair and grabbed the neck of the bottle, taking a long swig. She relished moments like this, ones where the city was still waking and she could appreciate its beauty without the distractions. Before long, Abby would arrive at the office and notice the corkscrew that lay on her desk with the cork still attached and come looking for her. She would question Liv's consumption of an entire bottle of wine before breakfast, which would then lead to questions about Fitz and about his mental faculties and a host of things that Liv wasn't ready to talk about. But for now, it was just Olivia, her wine, and the gentle sunshine.


End file.
